Grant County Journal
Children Are Like Starfishes
August 1, 2011
Written by Janet Warren
I have often wondered what makes us choose our paths in life. After years of reflection, I’ve come to the conclusion that little, perhaps inconsequential things at the time, turn us toward the paths we take. There is not one path, but a series of paths we choose, and the reason we choose them is because we are building on prior experiences. When I look back on my own life, my hindsight is clear. I spent the first six years of my life in southern California, and the ocean still beckons to me. From ages six to eleven, I looked at the base of Mount Olympus from my kitchen table, and now I feel like I’ve come home when mountains surround me.
I spoke with two people recently about a decision their families made—adoption; international adoption to be specific. When I spoke to Mindy Wall about the decision she and her husband Darryl made, I understood that experiences she had as a child made her more open to the direction her life has taken. “I always knew I wanted to adopt,” Mindy said, “because when I was 14, my stepfather adopted me. He was so kind to me and changed my life, and I wanted to do the same for a child.” After three biological children (Spencer, Mitchell, and Ethan) it became apparent Mindy shouldn’t have any more, and what had been a thought began to become reality. Because they had dealt with some special needs with one of their sons, Mindy and Darryl felt equipped to adopt an older child with special needs. Their first adopted child came from Russia. When Mindy and Darryl saw a video of Nik he was singing and they fell in love. Both Mindy and Darryl have music degrees and music is a big part of their lives. A year after seeing that video, Mindy and Darryl celebrated Nik’s fifth birthday in the Russian orphanage right before they brought him home. Nik was born without a right hand and has only two fingers on his left hand. Mindy said, “We didn’t want our kids to grow up with a handicapped mentality. We wanted them to know they were capable and able to do anything they set their minds to. Nik (now 15) is a phenomenal soccer player as well as an amazing piano player.
With four sons, ages 9, 7, 5 and 3, the Wall’s decided to build their dream home in Ephrata. The adoption thought kept at them, and they decided to add a sister from China to the mix in 2006. The money didn’t come as easily this time, but the Walls pressed forward to adopt a 2 ½-year-old girl with atresia/microtia, which means she has no ears or ear canals. Once again, the Wall’s provided every opportunity for a normal life to their child, whom they named Alaina. Her nickname in China was LuLu, and she was called that for the first year of her life because she responded to it.
Life hasn’t been easy for the Walls, but it has been quite an adventure. They ended up having to sell their dream home to get out of debt after the second adoption. Mindy says it was a very hard decision and she still misses her house every day. However, she says, “Our kids have all along been our priority.”
After Alaina, the Walls felt their family was complete. That is, until Alaina out of the blue started to pray for a sister. “Where’s my sister,” she asked. “I have brothers, but no sister.” She began making comments about wanting a sister from China because girls in China don’t have any ears. Mindy tried to explain to her that some girls in China do have ears, but out of a series of what could be called coincidences by the uninitiated, the Walls are preparing to adopt a girl from China, the same age as Alaina, with the same medical condition. (Try explaining to Alaina now that not all girls in China are earless). They aren’t sure where the money will come, but a way has always been provided. The little girl’s nickname is LeLe. LeLe and LuLu, both with no ears…don’t tell me that was a coincidence. The Walls will scrimp and scrape to bring LeLe home. A yard sale at the corner of Mocliff and Loma Place will take place beginning at 9 a.m. on August 13. Darryl and Mindy are working on a musical CD to sell as an adoption fundraiser. It should be ready by Christmas.
What about the Tucker’s path to adoption? Matthew Tucker, who is an associate pastor at First Baptist Church, and his wife, Candice, brought home their son Agezu, age 3, from Ethiopia last month. Matt’s path began when he was a kid in the mid-80s. He remembers seeing images of Ethiopian children on TV and wishing his family could bring a starving baby home. He thinks it is a bit ironic that he brings his son home in 2011 when Ethiopia is on the verge of another drought. However, there were a lot of other things that happened between then and now.
Matt and Candice started out their life together wanting children. They assumed they would have many, but after two biological births and a number of miscarriages, both of them decided their family was going to be something different than they had imagined. Candice’s sister, Leah, is a missionary in Hungary. She told the Tuckers about the gypsy babies—babies left in the street in a country where prejudices against gypsies make them into less than human. Both Matt and Candice were touched to the core by the stories of gypsy babies, but it is very difficult and very expensive to adopt from European countries. When Matt found out there is somewhere around 147 million orphans in the world, he began to feel it didn’t matter where they adopted, they all needed help. “I wasn’t trying to make a statement,” Matt said. “It’s kind of like the story with the starfish.”
One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?” The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die. “Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!”
After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said: “I made a difference for that one.” (Original story by Loren Eisley).
So, the Tuckers approached their sons, Timothy and Trice. “Do you want a brother or a sister?” Matt asked the boys. After a moment’s consideration, Timothy said, “We need a catcher, let’s get a brother.” Little did they know at that very period of time, their brother was being born in Ethiopia. Three years later, the Tuckers brought home Agezu, a small, beautiful boy whose only problem seems to be that he was starved for the first two years of his life. It’s time for Agezu to play catch up, and before you know it he’ll be playing catcher.
This column will move to the Thursday edition, once a month, probably the fourth week, maybe the third…we’re still trying to work that out.
